Please understand, I love my babies with abandon.
But don't let those cute, chocolately faces fool you. Two whole, looooooooooong weeks of them running amok around this house? Drinking up all the punch, leaving potato chip crumbs all over my good couch and sticky toxic waste-like juice spills on the floors and counters, watching endless SpongeBob, iCarly, and Phineas and Ferb reruns, slamming doors, screaming like lunatics, tattling like little rats, engaging in straight up Ali/Frazier hand-to-hand combat, and interrupting my business calls, talking about, “I’m bored”?
Oh yeah, it was time for them… to… go.
I mean, we had our bright moments, Mari and Lila and I: Those Christmas presents—particularly the Tasty Science, Chemistry Lab, Fashion Studio, and countless Wii games—helped break up the monotony. For like, five minutes a piece and whatnot. And importing their little friends over to the house kinda took the drama down a notch or two, except that five little giggly girls decked out in “party” dresses for fancy guest room soirees replete with a feast of Tostitos, Cheez-its, and Chewy Sweet Tarts, can trash a room better than Axl Rose on a post-concert adult elixir high.
Mostly, Mari and Lila wanted to hang up under us. Which is really sweet and great and all for, like, the first day. But fifteen? Fifteen?!
Uh, uh—no ma’am. Jesus be the homeroom bell on the first day of school after a long break.
Let the church say, Aaaaaaaaaaa-men!