Tuesday, August 18, 2009

My Time To Shine: What I Love Most About Me



My girl Akilah over at EXECUMAMA challenged me to write a letter to myself, listing all the reasons why I love me. My letter is almost a week in the making. It did not come easy to me. See, I was always the nerdy one—the girl who buried her head in books and got lost in music and daydreamed behind closed doors. Because I couldn’t find the words. Because I was uncomfortable looking others in the eye. Because I’d been taught that children were supposed to see and not be seen, and it never, ever quite wore off.

I owned the quiet—peace, be still. Head down, nose to the grind.

It took me a long time to look up—to face myself in the mirror and appreciate what I saw. It was a guy friend of mine (a buddy, not a love interest) who literally held a mirror to my face. “Look at you,” he demanded. My face was so close to the glass I could see a cloud of my breath steam on my reflection. “You are beautiful, Denene. I can see it; why can’t you?”

I was all right, I guess. Never been one to brag.

But today, I will. Because Akilah asked me to. And because she’s right: Sometimes, you gotta remind yourself exactly what it is that you love about you. Here goes:

I love my eyes and my lips and my smile, and especially my chocolate skin. Understand that this is relatively new. Growing up, I avoided the sun like the plague—it makes you black, you know. Where I come from, being anything darker than a paper bag put you smack dab in the friend zone—and even further down the boyfriend chain if your hair was short and kinky. Which explains, in part, why I didn’t get my first kiss until damn near college. Fools. These days, I’m all, “the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice,” and I really couldn’t care less if you don’t appreciate it. It looks great with a smoky eye and a subtle red Bobbi Brown lip gloss, but I like it best bare—clean, simple, flawless.

I love my butt. This is big. Not my ass, but the fact that I truly love it—finally. Like my dark skin, my butt was a sin ‘round my way. If you couldn’t fit it in some Jordache or some Lees, it was too big for most of the guys I grew up with in Long Island, New York. (Mind you, had I grown up around some black boys in, say, Brooklyn, I’d have been knocked up by age 14.) For years, I tried my best to camouflage it—I tied sweaters around my waist and wore baggy pants and long, bulky sweaters, a desperate attempt to shrink it any way I could. Of course, it never worked. There’s no hiding this thing. But these days, it’s all about the booty (with nods to J-Lo, Beyonce), and there are companies that actually sell pants and skirts and dresses with stretchy fabric and accurate waist-to-booty ratios that make sense for women with hourglass figures (Banana Republic, Anthropologie, PZI, AppleBottom jeans). All of a sudden, my booty is in vogue and in properly sized clothing. What’s not to love?!

I love my sense of humor. I got jokes. I don’t know where this comes from. It’s that sarcastic, dry, witty thing. It is what it is. And it makes people laugh. I love to make people laugh. It's good for their souls. It's good for mine.

I love that I'm generous. I don't have a lot, but what I do have, I give freely. Because it's the right thing to do. Understand, I'm not talking about cash (though if I have it and you need it, you got it); I'm talking about my time and sweat. I'm a pretty good listener—a pretty good comforter. And I'm usually always ready to dig in. I get that from my parents, I think. I watched my mom go above and beyond in church and with her friends, who were equally generous. My Dad is the same way. I can't tell you how many times I saw him fix a stray kid's bike, or replace the neighbor's heater, or change a stranger's tire. I love that about him, and anyone who knows me knows my Dad is my hero. I love his helpfulness, and so I help, too. Ask and you will receive.

I love my ambition and drive. It got me a scholarship to college, when my parents couldn’t afford tuition. It got me a great gig right out of college, in one of the largest news gathering organizations in the world. It got me to a high-paying position as a political reporter at one of the then-largest newspapers in the country, at the tender age of 23. It got me a column at Parenting magazine, and 18 book deals, including a No. 1 New York Times best seller. What’s most special about my ambition and drive, though, is that I don’t use mine like weapons; I don’t feel like I have to stomp all over someone else to succeed. Quite the contrary, even as I’m doing what I can to be better at what I do, I’m constantly looking for ways to help others get in the game. I am blessed, no doubt, because of this. I’m sure of it.

I can truly look at myself in the mirror today and appreciate what I see.

Indeed, I love me some Denene.

And I’m going to work harder to love me even more.

What are you doing to love you?


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18 comments:

  1. YES! YES! YES! Denene, see those reasons you put down? That's why you HAD to do this. We are speaking to SO many other women when we speak to ourselves, and I LOVE how detailed you got with each "Love". That was beautiful, and I thank you for sharing it! You are indeed, blessed!

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  2. gurl, i can testify to the BOOTAY thing-when i was younger, just like my boobs, they were nowhere to be found--then one day, i sat down and bounced back up!!--i was like what the heck??--turned around and there it was!--this big round thing that stuck out like {insert batman words}POW! BAM! BOOM!-didnt appreciate what i had until i hit my early 30's-now that i'm 47, gurl, its dun got bigga and i'm lovin' it even more--cuz its still round, firm and bounces er'time i walk--i've learned to love what i have and embrace the power of da'bootay!-here's my tasteful bootay shot: http://essensevibez.blogspot.com/2009/02/here-i-am-today.html --oh and the boobs? gurl, i told my mother my boobs must be hiding in my butt somewherez cuz they sure didn't come out to play-not one day!--be blessed gurl!!!!-

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  3. How inspirational! You've got to LOVE that! You're such a rock star. I think I'll go start on my list now...

    Winks & Smiles,
    Wifey

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  4. You have inspired me to write a love letter to myself. What a fantastic thing to do. Off to begin.

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  5. also, i'm going to include my letter in my "book of me" mini album i'm working on--gone to share this post with friends--

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  6. This is a great idea! What a wonderful way to really look inside and admire yourself. I love it.

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  7. This is such a wonderful idea and I too love how detailed you were with each item that you love. I was one of those be seen but not heard type of kid so I am very quiet and shy away from things. Then when I got to high school I developed food allergies which caused my lip to swell up. I thought I was the most ugly child in the world. I eventually started to love each part of me. Starting with one part (the part that bothered me the most) I would look in the mirror and tell myself how much I loved that body part until I really loved it. It is so important that we become comfortable with ourselves and love our self and not compare our selves to these false images.

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  8. During a time in my life when I'm questioning EVERYTHING about myself, this brought a smile to my face and tears to my eyes. It's so easy to find the flaws and neglect the positive. I truly see thru your insight the special things about me that need to be nutured and loved!
    Thank you Denene!!
    BRAVO!!!

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  9. Ok, now, my love for Denene Millner knows no bounds! :) Seriously, you've just inspired me. Gotta go write my love letter to myself. :)

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  10. Denene..I love this..there is nothing nothing better than a woman celebrating herself! No matter what anybody else thinks you love u! You betta go:)

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  11. I love this! Everyone should write a letter like this and celebrate life!

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  12. You inspire me, beautiful. Thank you.

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  13. I hope it's okay for me to comment...I'm not Afro-American, and I don't have a brown baby. But, Denene, you ARE beautiful, and what an inspiring post! I'm glad I stopped by from SITS to say hi; I hope you'll do the same.

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  14. Isn't Akilah the bomb?! I'm fully inspired to do the same. After four babies, I guess I can say I FINALLY got my birthright: a booty! ButnotheoneIwanted! Hmph! Oh well. But there's a bunch more things about myself that I'm just in love with.

    It's funny, I used to want to be darker than I am, and at one time thought that I was. But my new friends freshman year in college broke the news to me that I wasn't as dark as I thought I was after seeing all my Audre Lorde poems and black berry poems hanging up around my dorm. Kicked my out of a club I was never even a part of. LOL!

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  15. I also wanted to say the words about your father were very beautiful.

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  16. How do you do it? How do you manage to inspire me with every word you write? This was beautiful to read.

    I appreciate how difficult it must have been to write, because self-love is one of the things I struggle with most. Most of the time it's because I'm too busy loving on my hubby and brown baby to focus on me, but it's also because I don't really know how to stop and just admire myself. I feel self conscious and vain.

    But thanks to your words, and your courage, today I'm going to try this myself :)

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  17. Looks we are all writing a love letter to ourselves...including me. Great post.

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