Monday, January 3, 2011

Jaden Smith Can Date My Tween—But Even Then, He'd Get Some Of This

You remember the drama behind my discovering my daughter’s tween friends like and are actively trying to date boys, right? Uh huh. Well, seeing as it’s a new year and all, I figured I’d just go on ahead and start 2011 off right by laying down the Denene Millner law on dating up in this piece. No need for words. I’m just getting ready. I figure the following tools should be sufficient:

A rocking chair for the front porch
An NRA card
A rifle
A shovel
And a prime piece of quiet land way out in the woods
Seven t-shirts with this list printed in neon letters (you know—so Mari can wear one every day of the week)

For the record, Mari is NOT allowed to date. Unless it’s Jaden Smith. Maybe Justin Bieber. Maybe. And if either one of them showed up to our door talking about taking Miss Mari out on a date? Yup, they got this coming—courtesy of the hubs, Nick, and our brother-in-law, James. You know, so er’body’s clear and whatnot.

(For those of you viewing this at work, you might want to turn the sound down now—this scene, featuring Will Smith and Martin Lawrence acting the straight fool in Bad Boys II, is full of cusses. Much needed cusses.)

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  1. You are so right to lay down the law!! Loved BB2 too. ;)

  2. Priceless!

    I remember my first date (at 17! my dad relented on his 18 took much begging, sigh). My dad walked by my date (my now husband 11 years later) and said "what do i need to meet him for? he's nobody? he doesn't exist? the only thing i need to know about him is where he goes to school, where his people live and a copy of his license". With that we left....till this day we all joke about it.

    It wasn't until my wedding that my dad retold that story and said "i knew he was a good boy"

    Right on Martin and Will!!! Fear is the truth!

  3. YES!!! Thanks for doing the work on my behalf, because now I will simply
    a) Paste your text into a Word document
    b) Replace Mari's name with Marley's name
    c) Post it in their room, on the fridge and at our front door.
    LOL! Great post (that now has me thinking about the dating scene in a few years for my girls #LeSigh)

  4. LOL cause you ain't playing no games...i hear ya!!! Loved it!

  5. I'm so with you on this one...we must be vigilant!!

    And this is one of my favorite scenes from that movie..."young Thundercat." LOL

  6. @DFig: OMG!!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!! Your Dad was just as bad as mine... one of these days, I'll have to give you the lowdown on what my father said to the first boy I brought to the house. A camera and threats were involved. It. Was. Not. Pretty.

  7. LOL. I loved the part of BB. My husband and I were just talking about this very thing. Zari is 9. I said maybe she could date at 16. He said not even then. He (and now I) feels that dating puts too much pressure on kids. Group outings are fine but one on one dates spell TROUBLE.

    I remember my first house date. My mom sat between us. LOL!

  8. So funny but so right on all levels. I waited to date. Actually I had no choice but that's ok because it worked out great for me. Thank God for strict families. I started dating when I was 18 then married my husband a few years later. He was the only guy I've ever dated and I'm still alive (and thankful). LOL.

  9. Love It. Love It. Love It!!! DFig and Denene, my Dad didn't play either. We couldn't date until we turned 16, and it had to be a group date. But before ANY guy took us out, he had to sit down and watch a football or basketball game with Dad. In the basement. With my two brothers and an uncle or two. Most of the would be suitors never came back to take us out! In fact, Dad even had some of our best friend's would-be dates meet them in that basement as well. Hated it then. Understand it now.

  10. Hmmmm, makes me wonder....

    It seems like the dating age has gotten younger for this generation. But why? Most if not all of us on this post had to wait until late teens to even bring up boys around our parents. What's changed to make preteen/early teen dating more of a norm? Because I think it is the norm. I have volunteered in schools (middle and high) and it seemed like ALL my students with the exception of a few were dating on the weekend(and some even being taken to these dates by their parents).

  11. That's me! When my daughter was dating, they had to meet me. Same for all my nieces. It helps being 6'3 and 285lbs of muscle to add to the! All the suitors got the same case of the "if's" from me:

    If you make her shed a single tear.
    If you are ever late bringing her home.
    If I see any pics of you with skin showing outside of your face.
    If I read something nasty from you on her FB page, her phone or email.

    And the all-time classic:
    If I even THINK you want to do any of the above...

    I'm coming to see you.

    Works like a!

  12. Sigh... I worry less about my daughter, than my son. He is NINE, and there is a little girl in the THIRD grade trying to put him on play date lock, every Friday.
    Um, no.... he can not have a regularly scheduled, every Friday play date with your daughter, lady. Yes, the Mom, is doing the scheduling.

    She has told her mother she wants to marry my son because he is kind, always courteous and never tattles...., Um, thanks, but BACKUPOFFMYSON,SON!!!!!

  13. Love it! That is my favorite scene. I have a 15 year old son. Hormones are a raging and I am trying to stay calm.

  14. @DFig: I blame the parents. Kids can only do what their parents allow, and if there are middle schoolers heading to dates, it's because they're being told by the people in charge that it's okay. I'm. Not. Having. It.

    @STL: Dude—we need to put THAT on a t-shirt! YES!

    @Divalicious11: Ha' mercy. Yes, that mother and I would have to have a little talking to...

    @Stacey: Baby? I'm praying for you. Deep breaths. Deep, deep breaths.

  15. I'm way ahead of you, Sis, believe me, and my Lilies are 5 and 3. ;-)

    I have -a baseball bat with "My First Love" engraved on it. Rocking chair on porch: check. Shovel: check. NRA card & rifle: unnecessary and costly.
    Digging grounds: I garden. On a BIG OL' patch of land. As for the shirts, that won't be necessary. They'll have little cards that have all this on it, and if they still wanna be bothered, they'll have to go through the doorbell test as above. And THEN...they still gotta get through me. :-)

  16. @Zuri: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I adore the gangsta!

  17. This post just gave me heart failure. My daughter is one and I think I'm in denial about the fact that she will indeed grow-up.


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