Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Take It From Me, Someday This Brown Mom Will Be Free


When I was getting ready to go to college in 1996, that was the big interview question we couldn't wait to be asked from a potential employer. We had whole sessions about the appropriate answers to give, interview gems and catch phrases that would wow the interviewer and land you the job. Yep, that was during the boom years of the Clinton presidency. I fully expected to get a job earning $45-50K, right out of college, with little more than a bachelor's degree, as my predecessors had done. Most likely living it up in some fast paced cosmopolitan metropolis with my equally cosmopolitan friends. I had lofty goals in those days. I'd be a svelte size 10, with a weave down to my butt, driving a red Mercedes Benz convertible. 10 years after graduation I'd be in Ghana as the head of my own media company. I couldn't wait to hit the real world!

Fast forward 10 years later.

I don't even think most corporate human resources reps ask the question, "Where do you see yourself if five years" anymore. Most Fortune 500 companies' balance sheets are riddled with more holes than a pitted pomegranate; many of them don't know if they will be in business next month. The dot com bubble burst, making paupers out of millionaires overnight; Al-Qaeda decimated the stock market when they took down the World Trade Center, and; the freaking Pirates in Somalia and Nigeria finished up the job by affecting the oil supply and jacking up prices. No one saw this coming.

And I certainly didn't foresee myself where I am today, either.

Nearly 10 years after graduation, I am a tired mother of three. I have an afro puff and am a hefty size 18. It has taken me six hours to sit down and write this note, because I can't get a private moment to myself. Even now, someone screams "Mommeeee!!" incessantly in the background. My lofty goals of media domination have been reduced to just being happy if I can crank out one good story for my online newspaper sometime during the week. I pray daily that readers will find it in their hearts to click on a few ads to beef up my Google AdSense and generate some revenue. No one is on my payroll. In fact, I am vulnerable to the whims of the federal government, who at any time can stop my unemployment payments, leaving me gobsmacked and one check away from homelessness.

What is the point of this drivel? It's to ask myself again, where do I see myself in five years. I see nothing but blue skies. I have note one iota of doubt that I'll be one of the happiest frikkin' women on earth.

In five years, my oldest child will be 10, able to do laundry and make a mean pitcher of Kool-Aid. The second born will be eight and able to read a book to herself. Both will be in school all day. The youngest will be beginning kindergarten and I can feign the sort of sadness at his departure that make your kids truly believe that you "wish they could stay at home with you all day, you really do, but the system won't allow them to."

In short, I'll be a free woman. Free to write. Free to think. Free to go number two without someone bursting through the door and standing between my legs while I try to deliver a sinful payload to the porcelain throne below.

Free to dream again.

Ms. Celie couldn't have said it better: I may be black, skinny (hopefully), and ugly (most likely), but dear God, I'll be here... and FREE!

About our contributor:
Malaka Grant is a “hybrid Ghanaian” who lives in Roswell, GA, with her husband, Marshall, and their three kids—the very dramatic and inquisitive Nadjah, 4, the rambunctious Aya, 3, and the "too-sleepy-to-tell-what-disposition-he-may-have-yet" Stone, 3 months. Having been laid off five times since graduating in 2000, Malaka has given up the pursuit of a stable corporate gig to be a devoted full-time mother. In lieu of drinking, she uses her spare time to write for, Africa’s version of The Onion, and co-authors an African sexuality blog with best friend Nana Sekyiamah. On weekends she works at DSW to fund a compulsive and insatiable shoe addiction.

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  1. This post is great! I'm on a quest to be free as well. I would love to see more from this author.

  2. I so love this post! Thanks mybrownbaby and Malaka.

  3. Very poignant and insightful post, Malaka. I hope you find enough free time to do more writing for Denene!

  4. Malaka this is JUST what I needed today! Nothing is a sure bet in this crazy world so why stress about it? Your simple dream to be free sounds better than sitting around wishing to hit the lottery or scraping to hit a glass ceiling on a rickety, bootleg ladder that might get snatched out from under you any minute. Simplicity is serenity. Thanks for the reminder.

  5. Love this post. Had a crazy couple days and I needed to read this. Not only did I need to read it for the mental rejuvenation it provided, but the writing is FIRE. You just got yourself added to my notebook of fierce writing! :)

  6. I loved this post! There are those days when I long to be childless...or at least have a nanny on call. There are days when I wonder have I met the goals that I set in my younger days. I've been lucky in terms of the goals, but we are all struggling to keep it together and thrive in our current realities. Thinking about "Mommy Independence Day" does help.

  7. hi! thanks for finding this great blog :) I love your posts and looking forward to read more from you. I want to know you and be your friend.


  8. Gosh! Thanks for all love everyone! I'm reminded daily by E! News (the unofficial rep for wider American culture) that there is indeed life after childbirth, and that includes child rearing. To all my parents in the struggle, lets raise our sippie cups high and say "here's to freedom"!

  9. Brilliant! You really put a smile on my face today and made me suddenly miss my baby who is off, enjoying her day away from me in 1st grade. The freedom is really grand when it comes. I too am looking for a little bit more of it, as there is always another freedom stealer lurking to try to infiltrate, lol.

    Thanks so much for sharing!

  10. Wow, I love this! No one in real life is willing to admit such things & I was beginning to think I was the only one feeling this way. Thanks so much! Now off to lift my sippy cup.

  11. I love this blog. Thank you so much for this. God bless you both Malaka and Denene.

  12. Malaka's writings on her experiences of motherhood is a much needed reality check for those of you who are yet to experience the pleasures/pressures of childbirth/childrearing. At least we can go into the experience (or choose not to go into the experuence) with our eyes wide open

  13. Great post, very insightful! So many can benefit from reading this and knowing they are not alone in feeling this way.

  14. Ladies,

    Isn't it the truth? I haven't planned the next five years in my life in a long time. Where I am today is not anywhere I thought I would be, but I couldn't be happier. I thank God I'm not in control. I'm looking forward to the freedom, but will enjoy the "shackles" while they hold me, for now.

  15. Love, Love, Love it! Beautifully honest. Hits straight home. LOL @ 'hybrid Ghanaian'


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